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RE: ZamDad's World - 8/12/2007 9:33:30 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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August 12, 2007
When it rains, it pours. We need rain desperately here. Our fields are dry, the horses have no grass to eat and we are feeding hay that’s needed for the winter. The storm we’re experiencing is another kind of horsepower, gas fueled. Several weeks ago my Subaru went out of commission as the water pump went out. I began driving my grandfather’s old truck, a 1982 F-250. The money I could be putting into repairing the Subaru is going to the gas tank of the Ford. This weekend, the tie rods on our van broke. Now, we’ve gone from a three vehicle family to one working vehicle. And, with gas prices as they are, I hate driving a truck that gets ten gallons to the mile.
I began working a second job. For those of you who really do follow this blog, I am now a police officer. I got hired in a very small town that reminds me in many ways of Mayberry. Not much happens in this quiet little town. I am grateful for this. Yes, I want something to do as a cop, but as an older rookie I do not want all excitement all the time.
I relish the fact that my new job is 95% boredom and 5% adrenaline. It’s only a part time thing as I am still working probation full time. I am getting fed up with my current duties as a PO. My caseload/workload report this past month showed that I have 397 clients. How am I supposed to manage that? I am chained to my desk Monday through Friday cranking out reports for the court; feeding the machine. I feel like I cannot effectively help people like I have been able to with my former caseload.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 8/12/2007 11:37:40 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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August 12, 2007
My son made an interesting observation the other day. His observation led to quite the discussion within our home. He was showing horses at one of the local fairs last weekend and his “girlfriend” showed up. His mother and his aunt had been spending most of the time at the fair with he and his sister. I was there for brief periods. I happened to be there when “she” showed up. I saw the looks “she” got from mom and auntie. Daggers were not necessary, the eyes said it all in how badly they wanted this threat eliminated.
As my son and I were hauling the horses’ home he commented on how he had noticed that his mother and his aunt were willing to judge someone without getting to know them first. He said to me, “I wish you weren’t as inquisitive as you are, but I appreciate the fact that you will talk to people and get to know them before you judge them.”
This began a dialogue in the home that was rather interesting. Over the past couple of weeks with a couple of different horse shows, my 15 year old son has had several girls show up “to talk.” With me working two jobs and unable to run interference, his mother and his aunt have been “less than impressed” with the girls that have shown up. For the most part, I agree with them.
One of the things that I think my son likes, as much as he doesn’t like it, is that I monitor his computer use. I read his MySpace page and his MSN account among other things. One of the girls I know is interested in him showed up for church at one of the fairs. Mom and Auntie were rather upset that he chose to sped time with this girl. I was not too concerned as I know that his heart is leaning toward another girl who has been out of state most of the summer.
In fact, while this young lady has been out of state, I have had several conversations with her over MySpace. The conversations began when my son forgot to log off MSN one day and she texted him with the words, “Hi babe.” Talk about having fun with your kid at his expense without him being there?
Initially, she told me she was scared of me and that she was reluctant to talk with me. As I got to conversing with her I could see that she is a young lady who is struggling to know God. She has a good heart and comes from a family where Christ has been present, but not at the forefront. She wants to get to know the God who is rather than the God we all want.
My wife’s mother’s intuition has kicked in. While this is a good thing, I too wish she would take the time to get to know the kids he is dealing with. She told him the other night that she relies on what I tell her about the friends in his life. Yep, sure. I find this a cop out. It means I do all the work and she relies on my input without having to expel the effort herself.
I have also noticed with the aunt that she is quick to render judgment without a situation analysis. I have seen this with her own child as well as her horse. It was plain as day when I took her horse home from the first fair and she was placing the horse in the pasture. She turned to look at something else and the horse began to walk forward. The horse bumped her as it walked. She slapped the horse and scolded him for pushing her. I stood there thinking how she was out of line as the horse did not pusher, rather simply walked forward and caught her not looking. Know I have had opportunity to see her so the same thing with her son a couple of times. Two nights ago at a rodeo he (6 years old) was playing air guitar. I was encouraging him from a few seats away. She was not paying any attention to him and turned to find him horsing around. She slapped his arm and told him to sit down or he was going to the car. I spoke up and said I was asking him to show me his air guitar. She then laughed.
It dawned on me how quick she and my wife are to judge without assessing the situation. Mothers intuition is one thing, but further research is necessary to affirm gut feelings. If those gut feelings are not affirmed, we cast judgment without knowing whom or what we judge.
< Message edited by zamdad -- 8/12/2007 11:44:24 PM >
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 9/5/2007 10:17:21 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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September 3, 2007
Some times, those of us working in the justice system want our cases to be easy, cookie cutter issues that can be dealt with on the surface, not requiring extra time and attention. A young woman was assigned to my caseload this summer for DWI. I sent two appointment letters to her and got no response from either letter. I was gong to write a violation report to the court requesting a warrant and let the cops find her and bring her in.
Last week an officer found her at 3:00 in the morning lurking n the back yard of a residence in town. After talking to her, he determined she was intoxicated and had her blow in a PBT. Her blood alcohol level was in excess of .40. This BAC is supposed to be lethal. She should not have been walking around and here she was walking through neighbor’s yards and talking with the officer. The officer called the local detox, but admittance was refused because her BAC was too high. The young lady was taken to the ER where she refused treatment. Eventually, the girl was brought to jail for a probation violation.
I met with this young woman in the jail. I asked her how she was feeling. She had a smile on her face and said she was feeling pretty good other than being locked up. I was expecting her to be rather hung over. The smile I saw told me that this was a woman who always had a cheery disposition, that she was the life of the party. I asked why she had not responded to the letters I sent her. She said that she had not checked her mail in quite some time. I asked if she was living at the address she had provided to my office and the court. She said she was no longer living there, that she had moved into town. After further questioning, she revealed that no one lived at the address listed.
She explained to me that her mother died when she was 12. Her father committed suicide last year and then, after he died, the house burned down. She is not yet 21 and is avoiding dealing with the death of her parents as well as the insurance companies. She is drowning the pain with alcohol.
Yes, she needs to be in treatment. Yet, she has no support system in place. She has a job and has rented a home by herself. While she can benefit from inpatient treatment, the loss of her job will leave her without work and without a home. The only support system she has at the present time is her drinking buddies. She has never been involved with church and does not seem to be interested in “religion.” She has no driver’s license as a result of her DWI conviction. Her job is only a few blocks from her house.
To me, the answers are simple. Now, finding the right people is the problem. “Religion” is not going to help her. The saving grace of Christ is the answer. But, it’s going to take other people who are willing to show her the person, the love and grace of Christ that are going to bring her to Him. The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 9/24/2007 5:20:13 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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September 24, 2007
I love my pastor. I really do. I know that some of my writings pertaining to him in this blog have expressed some frustration with him. I find myself frustrated once again.
He is a man of ideas. He has some great ideas but frequently neglects the details of how to pull these ideas together. When confronted with the necessity of some of these details, he will sometimes dismiss them as not being important. If an idea works or comes to fruition, it is the hard work of others who have caught his vision and put the pieces in place to make it work. This past week, Dr. David Jeremiah broadcast one of his most requested messages about putting first things first. In the message he spoke of someone named Coolidge (or something like that) who was a man with great ideas, but he lacked the discipline to complete any of the great ideas he had. Dr. Jeremiah noted that this man stated he had a library of books he’d written, they’d just never been transcribed. They were all lost in his head.
As I listened to the messages of Dr. Jeremiah, my pastor was the person who came to mind. A couple of years ago our pastor got this idea about beginning neighborhood gatherings. It all began with the discussion of small groups. While he likes getting small groups together to all study the same material and bring people together to become of like mind, he does not like the fact that small groups often become closed and, in his perspective, “cliquish.” His idea was to find some type of study where people living in the same neighborhood can come together, fellowship, study and worship.
The original idea floundered. People expressed an interest, but the ones who indicated they would lead a group either had little to no turn out or they had personal issues come up and interfere with implementation. Now, the pastor has decided that he is going to get this idea running by beginning in his own home. As he approached the staff with it, he talked about neighbors getting to know neighbors. In the process of getting to know one another, taking the Acts 2 approach to church building and developing a list of things or services people could provide to their neighbors if there is a need.
Being a neighbor to the pastor, I went to his gathering last night. While I had a good time fellowshipping with my neighbors, I felt like I had been to an Amway meeting with the pitch that was given about trying to help neighbors meet the needs of neighbors. It felt like he was trying to program relationships. One of the men in attendance, a new Christian, said he was a small engine mechanic and that while he had a skill, he really did not want to get stuck doing what he does for a trade, but that he would love to have someone to talk to while he does work on an engine. I jumped on this opportunity and said that what the new believer just said was the heart of what the pastor was trying to do. It’s about spending time with each other, getting to know each other. Thus, when needs arise, we are comfortable asking because there is a relationship there. Or, there’s no need to ask because the relationship allows one party to see a need and tend to it without being asked.
I think my pastor has difficulty in this area for a number of reasons. I think he has some difficulty with trusting relationships in the home he grew up in. Secondly, he is so busy with the urgent that he does not have time for the important. He is flying from one meeting to the next and responding from one crisis to another that he is neglecting the most basic aspect of relationships with his family and with the church. He is trying to be everything to everyone. It can’t be done. Most of us can see through him. Many of us have talked to him about slowing down. Yeah, yeah, yeah is the response. But I can see that he is thinking ahead to the next urgent thing he has to do. He may think about what’s been said, but unless it fits with one of his “ideas,” the information gets cast aside.
Yet, I know he listens. He’s told me so. I know I am influential in his life as he is in mine. It seems that he gets so lost in his ideas that he forgets to tend to the important and, therefore, always seems to be pressing toward the urgent.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 9/30/2007 10:22:28 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
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September 30, 2007
I have this elderly man on my caseload. I almost said gentleman to be respectful. Really, he is a gentleman. But, lately he has had more than enough moments that make it hard to refer to him as a gentleman. I don’t know why I was compelled to write about him tonight. But, here it goes.
I’ll call him Jack. He is in his mid 70’s and lives in a cabin sandwiched between two lakes in on of the most beautiful spots I’ve ever seen. He is articulate. He is well read, He has traveled the world. He attended seminary, and upon completion, did not feel that he had been called to ministry by God. Yet, most time I speak with him in my office, he ministers to me greatly. He is a joy to talk to. He is a natural conversationalist. He knows how to draw people out of their shells and get them to enjoy talking about life. He has a gift and he seems to be trying to repress it.
Jack lives in this cabin by himself. He has some relatives living nearby, but like most families, the relatives have busy lives requiring their attention. He has two dogs and no running water. He bathes by going into one of the lakes and has an outhouse for a bathroom.
While Jack has been blessed with incredible gifts, he has chosen the life of an alcoholic. As he told the court last week, Jack Daniels is his best friend. He has a couple of friends who come spend time with him. But, they’re not real friends. They’re drinking buddies. I’m finding this with many of my clients. They talk about their friends, but when you get down to the heart of the matter, they don’t have any real friends. They have drinking buddies. As long as booze is involved, they have people who will come around. But, remove the booze, and the people disappear.
In many ways I feel sorry for Jack. If he wants to drink and is not causing problems for others, let him do it. Yet, because of his drinking, he really can’t take care of himself. He almost lost his cabin to a fire one night. I don’t know all the details, but a fire got out of control and nearly burned the cabin up one night. He also forgets to make it to his outhouse when he has too much to drink. He defecates in newspaper, rolls it up and forgets to dispose of it properly. He creates a health hazard to himself and others. If he could take care of himself when intoxicated, I would find it easy to overlook his drinking.
At the same time, I see the gifts he has in blessing the lives of others when he is sober. When he’s drunk, he’s downright ornery. When sober, he lifts the spirits of others. I said something to this effect in the latest violation report to the court. I hope he understands what I wrote and takes it to heart. He may not have felt God’s calling into the ministry, but I think his friend Jack Daniels is keeping him from hearing or seeing God’s calling on his life altogether.
Frankly, I need some more brothers and sisters in the Lord to come around Jack and show him he’s really needed.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 10/22/2007 3:22:55 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
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October 22, 2007
I haven’t been neglecting this blog. I haven’t been able to get to it. My internet service has gone funky as it does not seem to be working consistently. To make matters worse, for at least one week I was home, laid up recovering from knee surgery. I would log on, check some email, peruse a few CW posts and then get booted off.
As I said, I had my knee operated on. They had to reconstruct my ACL and repair my meniscus. The MCL still has a tear, but I guess they decided it wasn’t worth repairing. This injury is a result of church youth group. I have come to the conclusion that I am chronologically challenged. I am really a 21 year old trapped in the body of a 44 year old. Every time I show up to youth group whether it’s just to pick up my teens or to stay for an event, I always get in and play whatever physical game is taking place.
Our youth group kicks off every year with fear factor. At the end of the evening I went to watch the events. The kids began playing a game they called fear of Josh. A bunch of kids lined up on one end of the field and a few mingled in the middle. The kids at the end of the field had to run to the other end while the kids in the middle tried to catch as many of the runners as they could. Once caught, they lifted the kid off the ground shouted American Eagle 1 2 3 and set the kid down.
I was being a good parent and standing on the sidelines talking with another dad. We were commenting on how fun the game looked but that we had better not jump in or we could get hurt. Suddenly, there were three people left standing. All three were 20/21-year-old adult youth leaders. The other dad said which one he had and I chose another one. We both walked out onto the filed flexing our muscles and pointing to our intended targets.
I had one hand around the belly of my intended target and as my body turned to catch him and bring him down, I both felt and heard a loud POP. I went down and rolled with the momentum of the fall. As I came around and stood on my left foot, I kicked my right leg out and felt my knee joint pop back into place. But this time the pain was too much. I had one of the kids help escort me off the field. I was in too much pain to comprehend what an idiot I was for jumping in.
I went to the ER that night. X-Ray’s revealed no broken bones. I made an appointment with my physician the following week. An MRI showed major damage. The ACL was torn from the femoral attachment and the meniscus was torn as was the MCL.
I’ve come to realize that God always has something to teach me in whatever my circumstances. This injury couldn’t have happened at a worse time. I have begun working a second job as a part time police officer and am in the beginning of changing careers from corrections to law enforcement. Now I have to put things on hold and listen for what it is that God is trying to teach me. It’s made having a positive attitude easier; that listening for God’s voice.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 11/14/2007 8:45:45 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
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November 14, 2007
I heard an interesting little piece on SRN Radio news today about a cab driver in Chicago who comes to the US from Ethiopia. He expressed some confusion about America because, where he comes from, everyone is taught to care for each other. He said that American’s seem to busy to care for one another and he can’t understand why everyone is in such a hurry. The reported stated that sometimes it takes the perspective of someone from the outside for us to be able get another perspective of ourselves.
For a while in this blog, I wrote about wanting to slow down. I learned from my efforts to slow down that the rest of the world is too busy to notice. I’m convinced more than ever that we no longer know how to love our neighbor as Christ loves us. We’re so busy meeting deadlines and demands that we’ve formulated disciple making into another institutional, educational ticket to be punched on the way to finish line.
Perhaps I find myself rather discouraged right now. I just quit my probation officer job. I found that trying to manage a caseload of more than 400 people was no longer fulfilling. In many ways, I’m more confused than ever. I know God called me into the profession. Is he calling me out of it? Is He calling me into something else?
In the nine years I have worked in this profession, I have been able to be used by God to bring about change in the lives of people I worked with. I have been allowed the freedom to talk about Christ and His redeeming power. But, this most recent caseload was not about caring for people, it was about feeding the machine. It’s been about generating reports to fill the court’s docket. When one of my clients came in with a real need, the pressure to move them on so I could get back to report writing seemed overwhelming.
It seems that ministry, in many ways, is becoming like the business and academic world. The world has created so many positions designed to care for the needs of those who are hurting, struggling, or lonely. Another news item in the past few days was on the suicide rate of veterans returning from Iraq. Like we always do, we blame the system for the failures. Yet, the system is over loaded. And whom or what is the system anyway? Isn’t a system something designed for people by people?
We could/should ask the same question of the church. Whom or what is the church? Aren’t we, the people filling the pews, the body? Why are we blaming the failures around us on the system or the church when we, as individuals, have a role in the lives of other individuals?
We’re getting upset at the system failures while we’re burning out those within the system. If we don’t slow down and learn to love our neighbor as Christ loves us, we’re going to speed by Him looking for the finish line.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 11/28/2007 8:40:20 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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November 28, 2007
I have no excuse for not writing. I’m not working. The doctor told me that I am on work restriction until Christmas. While I’ve been enjoying not having anything to do, I’ve also been busy. It’s wonderful to be able to take the kids to school in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon. I think I can handle another month of staying home.
I still have mixed emotions about leaving my PO job. Yet, I also have peace about it. Like the Bible says, the harvest is plentiful and the workers are few. Several months ago I had a man in my office who opened up to me that he was depressed and wanted help. He had told me his brother attempted suicide and he was dealing with that. He then began telling me how he was down. I found myself going through mental calisthenics thinking about all the things I needed to have accomplished before the end of the day and how all my training and experience had told me that it was time to put my task list aside and give this man my undivided attention. First, I was miffed as he showed up without an appointment. Second, I knew that the final outcome of the discussion was going to be for me to give him referral information to mental health providers which are also too busy to deal with his immediate problem.
I cut him short and gave him the telephone numbers for the mental health service agencies in the community and sent him out the door. I’ve been bothered by this ever since. That’s not who I am. I enjoy helping people. I found myself looking at the bottom line, getting my reports complete and turned in, as being more important than the people I’m supposed to serve.
We have developed these programs and systems to help people and we continually fail the people we intend to serve. Why? The more money and attention we funnel into these programs, we feel as if we remove the burden from ourselves. Therefore, since others are being paid to do the work of helping the hurting, we can go home, turn on the tube, and enjoy the comforts of our labor. It becomes a catch-22. We want the systems and programs to solve our problems, yet there are not enough of us to reap the harvest before us. Those of us who do enter the fields get overwhelmed and burned out. I think I see the same problem in the institution of the church as well. We are losing pastors as they choose another means of making a living to avoid the fatigue.
I feel like I could go on and on. I’d better end this here so I can get it posted.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 12/1/2007 11:46:13 AM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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December 1, 2007
Right after I resigned my probation officer position, my pastor called and said he needed help with a woman who was calling the church asking for money. He said he had called some of the deacons and they were looking into the matter, but the woman was calling and insisting that she needed the money right away. She said she owed her landlord for rent. The amount wasn’t much. But, her insistence was troubling.
Pastor asked me if I knew this woman. I’ll call her Jane. I told him I knew Jane and that I knew she was a scam artist. She had recently pled guilty to stealing her disabled brother’s identity and charging thousands of dollars worth of goods in his name. Pastor said that he could hear a young child calling Jane mommy. I told him that Jane has two adult children, not young ones. He said that Jane was indicating she needed the money for rent in a neighboring town. I told him I was aware that Jane had moved to another city about 30 miles away.
Pastor said he had agreed to meet Jane in town within the hour and that his gut was telling him we were being scammed. I told him I would come with him and help him out. We arrived at the location Jane had given and knocked on the door. A woman’s voice asked who is it. Pastor asked if Jane lived there. The woman said Jane did not live there. At the same time, a woman came to the door. I recognized this woman as someone I’ll call Sue. Sue said, “Oh, that’s me. I’m Jane.”
I’ve know Sue for several years. Sue is a prescription drug addict. She has been involved in more scams than I can count. She will do whatever it takes to get money to buy her drugs. She had called the church a few months before and said she needed rent money for a motel room. She gave this sob story about how she and her husband split up after he beat her up and that she had to make a quick move into the hotel. I happened to be in court a few days before and Sue failed to attend a sentencing hearing on a theft matter. The court issued a warrant for her arrest. I told our youth pastor that if she needed a place to stay, she should go to the local jail where she would get three hots and a cot.
As pastor and I stood on the front porch of this house talking to “Jane,” I said Sue. She continued telling pastor her story. I stopped her and asked her why she was using Jane’s name when I know her to be Sue. She didn’t miss a beat. She looked me in the eye and said that she was Jane, that her sister was Sue. Pastor told her that he wanted to speak with the landlord and that he would give rent money to the landlord, not directly to her.
As we drove away I told pastor that, to the best of my knowledge, Sue does not have a sister named Jane. Sue is good at her con game. She can be convincing. I think she picked Jane’s name as Jane is also a con artist and had recently moved from the little town where this occurred. If pastor or anyone asked local law enforcement about Jane, they would have “verified” that Jane was a resident of the community and that her unstable life could lead to her needing money.
I also think Sue chose our church because we are located just far enough away from this community that we are not involved in the ministerial association and that she believed no one would be able to connect the dots.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 12/4/2007 2:06:14 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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December 4, 2007
It seems we are finally going to get a real Minnesota winter. We got 10 inches of snow over the weekend and it’s coming down hard again today. According to the forecast, we can expect five to seven more inches as this Alberta clipper roles through.
I’m getting a taste of what retirement could be like. The doctor says I can’t go back to work until Christmas. I can do desk duty. He said I can’t run. I told him I’m getting old enough that I am not going to chase anyone wanting to run anyway. I can always call for the dog. He then said that his biggest concern is if I have to wrestle some 270 pound gorilla. IN police work, you just never know. So, I’ll follow his orders.
Meanwhile, the knee is healing well. I’m thankful that the snow did not come until after I got off my crutches. The physical therapy is paying off as I can feel the knee strengthening each day.
I got hired by another department for another part time position. The pay is lousy. I can’t believe that I’m going to put my life on the line for such a measly amount. Yet, this is how to get the experience in order to get hired in a better paying position. I decided that I need to view this opportunity as getting paid to go to school.
I also have an interview this week for a full time position at a prison. As I read the job description, it was written for me. I have all the experience they are looking for plus some. It’s full time with state benefits. Yet, I’m not excited about it. I really want out of corrections. I know that this job will allow me to work Monday through Friday, day shift, and leave work at work. This can be a good thing for the family. Yet, I know that within six months, I am going to be bored. I’ve worked at this prison in the past. It’s a place where mediocrity is the rule rather than the exception. Anyone showing any indicators of trying to rise above mediocrity is met with measures to bring you back down. It’s almost as if no one looks bad if we all look bad.
When I used to work at this facility, I was on the midnight shift and was bored to tears. We had an incident take place one night which required me to have to write an incident report. All the report forms were printed out so that the report writer could write the details of the report longhand. I’d rather use the computer to write as I can write faster, use spell check to checks spelling, etc. Many of the reports I had read by officers were difficult to read because of poor handwriting and poor writing technique. I took the opportunity of a boring midnight shift to create a computer generated incident report. I turned it in to my supervisor. He liked the form and asked if I could create another form he had been working on. I created the other form and gave it to him. Several months later he told me he had sent the form up the chain and it became an official form for the department.
A couple of weeks after learning about the form, the union steward pulled me aside and wanted to know what I was doing. I wasn’t sure what he was referring to. He said that my job description did not include making forms. I told him I was bored and that I was trying to occupy my time doing something productive for the institution. He reiterated that doing computer work was not in my job description. I asked him if he would rather I play solitaire on my shift. Essentially, he said yes.
So, while I’m excited about the opportunity for another full time job with benefits, I’m apprehensive about continuing in the field of corrections. I have gone back to school and completed the training to work on the front end of the justice system, in my community. I feel like God has guided me through this process and that He wants me serving Him in a new capacity. Sometimes, it seems, my patience is not as long as God’s love.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 12/11/2007 4:42:13 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
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December 11, 2007
I’m finding the threads popping up on CW about the church shootings in Colorado to be rather interesting. As people, we want something to place blame on. We ask ourselves where things went wrong. I have seen some posts indicating that we have to look at ourselves. It seems we’re examining this through a new set of lenses as it struck the church.
These shootings are becoming all too common. They hardly seem to faze us other than the initial shock. We react to what the news reports and then we go on about our ever increasingly busy lives. Then, the media drives our attention to some other matter, global warming, the latest political poll, the war on terror, you name the headline.
Over the years I have written about how we are influenced by the media and we have little to no influence on our culture at large. Chuck Colson speaks on this topic daily addressing matters of worldview. The woman who stopped the shooter is a former Minneapolis police officer. Living in Minnesota, I watched WCCO last night when they reported her connection to Minnesota. They said nothing about her faith, they reported how she had been fired for lying 10 years ago. Listening to reports on the radio while driving around today, none of the secular stations made any mention of her faith unless it was done in a negative light. It seems the only thing they are reporting is that she was fired from her police position for lying.
I’m concerned because we (myself included) spend more time filling our minds with mass media than we do with God’s word. We spend more time consuming the garbage we’re fed than we do getting to know one another. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. We have more ways of communicating with each other, but we know each other less and less.
We are the solution to the problem of a world that’s crumbling apart. We (me too) need to be spending time in God’s word and in prayer. We need to be building our frames of reference on God’s word instead of the headlines. We need to be influencing our culture as opposed to blending in. To me, this does not mean disposing of media. If we are going to influence our culture, we need to understand it. But, we have to be rooted stronger in scripture than what the mass media moguls want us to think.
After many years now of working with people convicted of crimes, I have come across more than a few people who could become shooters. One of the things each of them has had in common is the desire to connect with someone or a group of people. Most of them have had rather poor communication/interpersonal skills. Therefore, most of us tend to shy away from them. It’s a difficult balance finding that place where we can feel safe engaging someone we fear. I’m not quite sure how to communicate this. We have to be discerning, yet we have to overcome our fears and engage people that are different. We can’t be in such a rush to get home to the comfort of our flat screen TV’s and surround sound and to learn the latest headlines that will drive our fears. Instead of being told what to do by the talking heads, perhaps we should look to God and hear His quiet voice and see the people He places before us each and every day.
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You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 12/23/2007 11:12:02 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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December 23, 2007
I figured I’d better get something posted before I disappear. I’ve been trying to find things to write about. Haven’t had much luck lately. I’ve been enjoying the time feeling like what retirement may feel like some day. I know, however, that when retirement really does come, it going to mean career change as I know I’ll be bored.
I’ve also noticed some interesting discussions on the boards following the church shooting in Colorado. There are some who are adamantly opposed to anyone trying to eliminate another person bent on doing harm. They speak about how we are not to take revenge. Yet, when a madman is aiming at innocent people to take out his anger on people whoso only offense is being in the same location as the perpetrator, it’s not about revenge. It is about stopping the threat.
I was thinking about revenge lately because I found myself slipping into some revengeful thinking. It hit me as I was thinking about a former co-worker. I was fantasizing about her driving through the small town I am a cop in and stopping her for a traffic matter. My mind entertained the things I would do to get at her. I also entertained thoughts about what I would do if I stopped one of our judges on a traffic stop.
It dawned on me that my anger at this former co-worker and the judge was causing me to think about getting revenge. According to God’s word, I am to let go of that anger and give it to God. It’s easier for me to forgive an offender who has committed a crime against my family or another. It’s quite different to forgive people who we feel have wronged us over extended periods of time and, perhaps, even messed with our livelihood.
It’s amazing how our minds can take a thought and play with it. Titillate us with thoughts that bring a false sense of pleasure at making another person miserable. I think God that the Holy Spirit grabbed hold of me and caused me to realize where my thought life was going. I wonder how often we get caught up in this type of stinkin thinkin?
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 1/13/2008 11:49:42 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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January 13, 2008
I was given the opportunity to attend another training through the church this weekend. Specifically, it was to become a Crown Financial small group training leader. There was some homework to complete prior to attending the conference. I’m thankful for the assignments given and the requirement to complete them as it has given me a new perspective on life and eternity.
I have been after our church staff for a long time to get something in place to help people develop life skills. In my career as a probation officer, it became glaringly apparent to me that most of the people I was dealing with were lacking life skills. While classes are frequently offered to help people learn, gain the head knowledge for how to do basic things in life, these classes often do nothing more than fill heads full of knowledge that seldom gets to the heart.
I too have struggled financially. I have written in this blog numerous times about my financial struggles. As I was working with people who had come to me as a result of financial mistakes, fraud, or irresponsibility, I was always keenly aware that I was in the same boat. The only difference being that my financial irresponsibility had not brought me before the court.
I have known for a long time, in my head, that everything I own is really God’s. I am simply a steward. Yet, this knowledge has been nothing more than head knowledge. It has not worked its way into my heart as I have continued trying to solve my financial difficulties in wordly ways. I have to admit, even with this new perspective, it’s difficult to let go, to really give it all to God. To deny myself the blessing He has for me because I, like a child, still seem to think I know what I’m doing and can handle it. I realize I am a fool and that in my humanity, I am all too willing to continue being a fool.
It’s amazing how when we come to God, we give ourselves to Him. Yet, we have these little pieces of our lives that we really don’t want to let go of. I’ve spoken of these before too. When I was supervising sex offenders I spoke about how I had learned that there were parts of our sexual self that we didn’t want to release to God.
Call me a slow learner, but I finally realized this weekend that money enters every aspect of our being and it’s one of those things we want to control on our own. Money is linked to everything, even power and sex. It seems that money, power and sex are the big three that distract us from our intimacy with Christ. Once we come to understand how things interfere with that divine intimacy, it becomes easier to submit to Him and give Him those thoughts and avoid pursuing distractions. Yet, it seems that we often fail to fully embrace Him because we let our money and possessions get in the way. When we finally come to the complete understanding that our possessions are not ours, but His, we will be blessed. This blessing, however, may not be what has been preconceived in our minds eye. No matter the trial or tribulation, we have to trust Him.
I suppose the so what of all this is that the more I think I know, the less I know. I feel like I have been living as if totally dependant on God. Yet, I have not surrendered myself fully to Him. It seems this is what He has been trying to say to me in my struggles over the past couple years.
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You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 1/29/2008 1:53:44 AM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
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January 29, 2008
I see that I’m on the verge of disappearing again. Figured I’d better enter something to keep from being deleted.
Over the past couple of years I have written a lot about wanting to slow down, to be purposeful. Since quitting my probation officer job, life has slowed down to a much more enjoyable pace. I am working again. I have two part time jobs as a police officer. Both towns are very small. I refer to them as Mayberry One and Two. It helps to keep the pace simple.
I think we miss so much of what God places before us because we’re so busy rushing mindlessly from one task to the next. I’m thankful for the changes He brought to my life, for answering my prayers. Even though He didn’t answer them the way I wanted them answered, He provided and answered. God is so good.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 2/7/2008 12:51:18 AM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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February 6, 2008
As I’ve been writing here for the past couple years, I have spoken about wanting to get back in shape. A new gym opened in our area in August 2007 and I joined, I lost 10 pounds in the first month. I had not weighed myself, but my girls got the scale out and asked me to step on. I was pleased to see the weight loss.
Then, in September, I went to the opening night of youth group activities and joined in the play with the kids. My knee gave out and I had to have my ACL reconstructed and my meniscus repaired.
As part of my physical therapy I have returned to the gym. I got to thinking the other night about whether or not I have any regrets. One of the few I can think of is that I have not remained in shape, that I have let excuses be my main for of exercise over the past nine years.
As I began to grow more round and let my lips do all the talking about getting back into shape, My kids began calling me fatty daddy. Well, I’ve been back at it for nearly four months since my surgery. I told the kids that I am changing from fatty daddy to buff daddy.
I like the name I gave myself. I feel like I’ve gone from puff daddy to buff daddy.
I guess I bring this up for a couple of reasons. First, I have been speaking about wanting to get into shape. I’ve quit talking and have begun doing. Secondly, because I am interviewing for employment again, I got to thinking about how to answer questions about regret.
I really don’t have any regrets. I know that everything in my life has happened fro a reason. God has been in control of everything in my life whether I have realized it or not.
Yet, thinking about regrets, I regret that I have not stayed in shape, that I have gone from fit to flab and back again. I regret that I did not join the military right out of high school instead of waiting five years. And, I regret that I did not take up offers to assist in home ownership earlier in life.
Other than that, I can’t really think of any regrets. As I said, I can see now how God led me through many experiences in life for His purposes. He has let me go through many things which I should regret, but I can’t because I see the lessons I’ve learned from the experience.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 2/22/2008 1:12:21 AM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
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February 21, 2008
My son was given an assignment to watch an internet video, The Story of Stuff with Annie Leonard. While it seems that American society is captivated by stuff, the lesson here seems to be about worldview. My son said he did not want me to write anything on this video because he was afraid it was going to effect his grade. He’s in high school and is having concerns that many college students have with professors who have a different philosophy’s on life.
Ms. Leonard begins her video asking if anyone has given thought to the stuff they acquire. She speaks about how everything begins in nature, is taken from nature, broken down into materials to be processed and then put together to make stuff. Then, when the stuff is used up, it is placed back into nature in an unnatural state.
She then talks about government being of the people, for the people and by the people and that government’s job is to take care of us. She then goes on to say that the government seems to be taking better care of corporations than the people. Is the government’s job to take care of the people? As a government employee, I don’t see my job to take care of the people. In my capacity, I am to protect and serve the people from those who would intrude on their safety and/or property. I see other governmental agencies that have come into existence that are designed to care for the people, but their care has created dependency and, in essence, government has become a corporation.
Corporations seem to be characterized as greedy enterprises whose only goal is to make money at the expense of the people. Yet, who is it that provides jobs for those people who are either unwilling or unable to run businesses of their own? So, While it may seem like government is catering to the corporations, aren’t they actually looking out for the people by trying to create and provide jobs? If private enterprise was not in existence, the government would not be able to survive as it needs to create a tax base. Is Ms. Leonard advocating socialism as a result of her research?
Ms. Leonard also makes the claim we are running out of resources, that the linear line of resources and goods produced are depleting a finite planet of its natural resources. This again, appears to be a conflict of worldviews. Creation or evolution? If the world evolved as most of the educated world now seems to believe and the earth came about as the result of a cosmic accident, why are we worried about limited resources? If it was created by an omnipotent God, shouldn’t see seek to be good stewards?
Ms. Leonard makes the claim that there are less than four percent of the original forests of this nation left from when it was founded. While I don’t have the numbers to dispute her claim, I have to ask what nation is responsible for either feeding or developing the means to feed the rest of the world? As for Americans, most American’s now live in urban settings. Most American’s do not understand how nature works. Most American’s associate gathering food with a trip to the local grocery store. As someone who has lived in the Last Frontier, our lack of wilderness is what has allowed us to live and think as differently as we do. If we had all the forests that existed at the founding of this nation, my son would not have this assignment and I would not be able to type this response on my computer as we would all be searching for better tools to kill animals to eat and to kill animals preying on us and our food supply.
I agree with Ms. Leonard in the aspect that we consume too much stuff. Yet, I also now see that our shaky economy thrives on our consumption of stuff. The economy is something all American’s seem to be worried about. Yet, it is this over consumption that seems to be propping up our economy. I also agree with her in that we need to be better stewards of the land. But, doesn’t this come back to worldview too? If we aren’t as consumed by our consumer products won’t the focus of our economy change?
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 2/25/2008 1:09:11 AM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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February 24, 2008
I have come to the conclusion that I hate a question we all ask each other every day. I am just as guilty of asking this question as the next guy. Nonetheless, the more I hear it, the more it disturbs me.
“How you doing?” We church goers are really good at asking this question. It’s more a matter of saying hello as we really don’t want to know how the other person is doing. And, if we are honest enough to say that things are not going well, we look for the easiest way to escape the situation.
This has been on my mind for quite some time. Last week, however, it was illustrated for me all the more. A man I will call Bob is a regular attender of our church. I do not question Bob’s commitment to Christ. From what I know of him, I know he loves the Lord and that he has a heart for others.
Bob was injured recently in an accident and then had a surgery to assist him in recovering from his wounds. He has been prescribed some medication that has caused some negative reactions. Last week, at the end of the service, he approached me and said that he was really struggling with his reactions. He stated he was considering calling 911 during the service to be transported to the hospital. He made it through the service and said he only wanted to get home, that he did not need the hospital. As he was leaving I walked out of the church to the parking lot with him. He was stopped by at least half a dozen people who followed their hello greeting with the question, “How you doing?” Bob was honest with each person that asked. He said he was not doing well, that he was in pain as a result of a reaction to his medication. I could see the look in the eyes of these he encountered. Each one of them communicated that they really did not want to know how Bob was doing, that they were only trying to be friendly. The conversations were kept brief as each person said they would be praying for Bob and wished him well as he walked out the door.
Being the concerned first responder, I tried to convince Bob that if he was feeling that bad, 911 was the best thing we could do for him. He said he wanted to drive home. Thankfully, his next door neighbor also attends our church. As Bob drove from the parking lot I found the next door neighbor and asked them to stop and check on him.
This week I am thankful to report that Bob is well and that everything is okay. But, as I was leaving the congregation today, I felt a cringe every time I was asked “How you doing? I felt an even greater cringe when I heard myself ask the same question.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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RE: ZamDad's World - 3/6/2008 3:06:40 AM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline
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March 6, 2008
Since injuring my knee, I have been very disciplined at not playing with the kids at youth group. I go and pick up my two oldest kids, but I no longer jump in and play floor hockey or broomball even thought I desperately want to. I have to focus on healing this knee.
A couple of weeks ago I took a PT test for a sheriff’s department in a neighboring county. Passing the PT test would have resulted in an interview for a full time deputy position. I told the sergeant running the test that, because of my knee, I was unable to do the running events. I was called a week later and asked to come back and complete the PT test, that they were interested in me, but in order to consider me, I had to pass all the events.
As I was at the PT testing that day, I watched the youngest gut in the group fly through the obstacle course and the other running event. I sat and watched as all the guys went through. I thought to myself that if I was physically able to, I know I could have beat the youngest guy in the group (26/27ish) or at least given him a run for his money. I told my wife and she reminded me that it was this machismo attitude that put me in this position to begin with.
She’s right, but I still find it difficult to put this part of my manhood to rest. Tonight, while at youth group, a young man who has a reputation as an accomplished weightlifter approached for conversation. During the conversation, we challenged each other to a push up contest. As a 44 year old man, I feel quite proud that I was able to outdo this youngster. I did 70 pushups to his 65. I came home and boasted to my wife. My son asserts himself into the conversation. “OH great dad, brag about beating a 17 year old at pushups.” I asked him, “How many 44 year old men do you know that can beat a 17 year old?” I think I am the only one he can think of.
For so long I had spoken about getting back into shape. It’s so nice to finally be making the talk a reality.
_____________________________
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
A. Lincoln
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