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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:25:44 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
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Wow, I haven’t been here for quite some time. The time I have spent writing, I have been embroiled in a discussion in the morals folder regarding homosexuality. I was troubled by a comment that I read from a young man who stated that we should just allow gays to marry and have all the benefits that are available to the rest of society. He stated that he was the son of a Baptist preacher and that the church has done more harm than good when trying to bring the homosexual community to Christ.
In many ways, this young man is right. However, I am troubled when I hear people say that we should just give them what they want. The results of opening that door are likely to be devastating and we are not prepared to deal with the fallout of opening the doors to homosexual marriage.
If we open the door, we will have to reexamine polygamy laws. Polygamists will come to the courts seeking special treatment to have more than one partner. We will have to open the door to incestuous marriage as well. Whether it’s brother and sister, brother and brother, sister and sister, mother and child or father and child, the argument will be made that they are in love, committed, and want to spend the rest of their lives together in matrimony. If we open the door, pedophiles will be banging on the doors of the courts seeking the same recognition we have given to homosexuals. After all, they were born this way, they can't help their orientation. They will get children to come testify that they want to be in sexual relationships with their adult partners.
For most conversing in these threads, this is too far fetched. Things will never get to this point. Or, will they? In the 1970’s couples began shacking up. For a time it was called living in sin. Pretty soon, it became so common that it was no longer living in sin, it became cohabitation. Now, cohabitation is almost expected of couples before actually getting married. In the 1970’s and 1980’s, casual sex became more common. It had actually been going on for years, but it became more open. Yet, there were still rules. Couples would go steady before engaging in intercourse or, expect some form of “go steady” type of commitment once intercourse had taken place.
Now, we have “hooking up,” where people meet, exchange bodily fluids and then exchange phone numbers and personal information such as names. Sex has become a form of recreation like a game or event at a social gathering. Boundaries have been blurred when it comes to gender. It seems we have returned to a culture that again believes, if it feels good, do it.
In the discussions on homosexuality, there are some who want to witness to those lost in our promiscuous culture. While it is commendable to want to witness and reach the lost for Christ, there are dangers if the Christian is not grounded solidly in the Word. Christianity is about relationship. Christ calls us to relationship with Him and we are to relate to others the love of Christ residing within us. Yet, many who want to enter this ministry are not yet strong enough to resist the temptation or counter the attacks laid on by the adversary. Too many church leaders have fallen to the temptation of sexual sin. It is an area of ministry in which those entering msut gird themselves closely. It is the one area of the flesh that is most susceptible to being led astray verses leading the lost to life.
In the matter of becoming sexual with someone, relationship is also a requirement. People who prey on others for sexual gratification have mastered the ability to relate and to earn trust. Most sexual offending occurs at the hands of someone the victim (and the family) know well and have come to trust. Perpetrators tend to be model citizens in the community; people who have earned respect and positions of trust. They frequently take advantage of people who have missing elements in their relationship life such as absent parent(s) or abusive partners. To the victim and the loved ones of the victim, they are someone filling a void in the life of the person. The victim is made to feel comfortable as the perpetrator assures them that they will look out for their best interests and always be there for them. That they have developed such a close bond that they can keep a secret between them. Secrecy is where the abuse thrives. To keep things secret, the relationship must continue. The perpetrator has to work to make the victim feel as if they are a willing participant in the activity. and to convince the victim's loved ones that everything is on the up and up.
If we open the door to gay marriage, we will open Pandora’s Box. Because our human tendency is to redefine deviance into more palatable terms, we will, in all likelihood, change pedophilia to consensual adult/child sexual contact. We will examine other paraphilias through a new set of glasses in our effort to be open minded. “Hooking up” will become as common as a handshake when greeting someone. We, as a society, will no longer wince that humans exchange DNA before they trade names.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:27:15 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: online
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Friday, December 31, 2004
Y2K
In 1999 I began working as a corrections officer at close security prison. Being one of the new guys, I was assigned a shift. After several moths of working the evening shift, I was assigned as a rover on the midnight shift. As a rover I worked a different assignment nearly every night. Some nights I would be responsible for an entire living unit, other nights I might be in several units, some nights I was on squad. I particularly liked squad because we roamed the facility and responded to situations.
In the middle of the night, there were not too many situations to respond to. Most of the inmates were asleep for the majority of the shift. The excitement usually occurred at the beginning of the shift. Following shift change, the inmates would all be eager to see who was on shift. They would make comments to one another and I was soon able to learn that all staff had nicknames. Our most frequent squad call following shift change was to move an inmate to segregation for exposing himself to a female staff. In the mornings, we would respond to assaults as inmates were being moved from the living unit to their various work assignments and/or meals. One occasion I remember clearly was hearing an inmate still in his cell scream for help after a passing inmate had hit him in the head with a hard object swung from a sock. The perpetrator was never caught and the victim inmate was told not to sleep with his head next to the bars.
December 31, 1999 I was assigned to work squad. Y2K had been abuzz for the past several years and the whole world was filled with panic that the end of the world was upon us. For those of us in the prison, we were genuinely concerned about a riot. Inmates had been talking about staging a riot and that they had nothing to lose because the whole world was coming to an end as it was. I began my shift at 2300 hours, one hour until Y2K was to hit. Officers from the previous shift were ordered to remain on duty to deal with problems that had been anticipated. As was the usual practice, I read reports and was briefed on the activities of the previous shift. Rumors were flying, but there was nothing of certainty to be expected.
At 2345 I entered living unit C. The rumors that had been circulating seemed to indicate that this was where most of our trouble would be. We all took positions around the unit to observe activity. Most of the inmates had their own televisions and, because they were required to use head phones, Dick Clark’s New Years Rocking Eve could not be heard. I could hear inmates talking to their TV’s and to each other about what they were seeing on the tube. The count down began: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! Things came flying out of cells, the noise was a great big blast of voices yelling profanities as opposed to Happy New Year! Things were being banged against the bars. It lasted about 45 seconds and then turned to silence.
In many ways, I was disappointed. I had expected that the place would be rocking for hours. It was all over in 45 seconds. Amazing. The silence lasted another minute and then there was an individual shout from one inmate to another. Within 15 minutes, inmate life had returned to normal as the inmates went back to their TV sets or dozed off to sleep.
The segregation unit, however, kept rocking all night. None of the inmates in seg had TV’s or radios, so they had no way to count down in the new year. It was after 0100 before the seg unit erupted. The second shift that had been ordered to stay on duty had been sent home at 0100; before seg erupted. The Lieutenant on duty called the squad to seg and ordered us to suit up with our chemical suits. We lined up and went cell to cell spraying the inmates with Freeze PlusP, a highly powerful form of mace. If the seal on my mask was not working properly when administering the substance, I could breath in the vile gas and feel my nostrils and throat begin to burn. After subduing an inmate with the spray, we cuffed them to their bars where they sat until we could return to check on them.
I began to get rather upset with the Lieutenant as he did not seem to have a plan for dealing with unruly inmates, he was going after all of them. I asked him if we could try another approach, but he was not open to suggestions. It was follow his orders, or get written up. We sprayed and cuffed about 30 inmates before the unit began to quiet down. Before ending my shift, I had numerous reports to write about the activities of the night. But I also submitted a report about the actions of the Lt. I don’t know what ever became of my report or him. I was later hired in a mobility position where I worked days. I never heard about the Lt. again.
In reflection of the evening, the whole world was worried that everything would grind to a standstill because of Y2K. In my world, we were worried about a riot. I left there seeing that the world had nothing to be concerned about, that Y2K was a threat, but that media exploited it to generate headlines which produce fear, which sells advertising. I also learned that our actions in seg only served to add to the anger that many of these inmates already have toward any sense of authority.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:27:58 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: online
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I’ve been thinking about some of the comments that I posted in my blog recently. I spoke about getting to know people well and how adept we become at wearing masks. I think I get to know people well. I am a student of humanity. I observe people and ask questions of them. I believe that I get a good general sense of the people I study.
Yet, after having taken a week off work and staying home with the family, it hit me that my wife does not know me as well as she thinks she does. Actually, she knows me very well. But, there are some aspects of my life she knows nothing about and makes no effort to get to know.
I had this revelation the other day while sitting in our office typing a response to another poster on the morals folder. She came in and sat on the chair next to mine and wanted to know what I was doing. At the time she entered the room, I was looking in the dictionary trying to ascertain the definition of a word. She asked me what I was doing. I told her I was researching something. She then asked what I was researching. She could tell by the look on my face that I did not want to tell her what I was doing. She then said, “you’re doing something that I’m going to respond that you should not be doing, aren’t you?”
Several years ago, while working the midnight shift in the prison, I spent hours engaged in conversations with people on forums about various issues. It was the ideal way to pass the time during a very boring shift. I continued some of those same conversations at home. When I told her I was conversing with others about various topics, she did not understand and made it clear that she wished I would not become involved in such activity. Frankly, it’s not something she’s interested in; therefore, I shouldn’t be either.
As she sat with me the other day, she commented that she always wonders what it is I do down in the office when I spend time down here. I told her that I write a lot. As I sat and thought about this conversation it struck me that I could be in my office viewing porn or talking in chat rooms. I could be using my time to indulge whatever deviant fantasy I concoct. At the same time, she has access to this computer and all of my files as most of what I write is done in Word before posting. My kids know my user name and, I have no doubt they could guess which password I use. She says she’s curious about what I do, but she makes no effort to find out.
She makes certain I tend to her needs. As a husband, I know that I need to serve her needs above my own. While I cannot claim to be perfect, I can say that I do a darn good job in this area. What leaves me feeling somewhat down about this is that she seems more concerned about her needs. When I find something that I like to do such as discussing real world events with total strangers, she makes me feel inadequate and puts me down for being interested in what she sees as nonsense.
In many ways, I wish she would come down to the office and go through my writings to see what I’m doing. She contributes a great deal to the things I have to say. She is a very strong person who supports me in many ways. She has been with me during my maturation process of becoming a solid Christ centered individual. While I have taken on the role of being the spiritual head of the household, she is the neck that turns the head.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:28:52 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: online
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Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Things have been tense over the past few days at home. I had an experience this morning where I could feel Satan overtly attacking me. My son and I had a talk on the way home last night about the matters going on at home. He said he was concerned that divorce could result from the tension. I told him that divorce is not an option. I also told him that I went through the pain of watching my parents divorce and I will not put my kids through the same thing.
As I was driving to the office and not seeing any hope for resolution, my mind went into overdrive about what life would be like if we were to divorce. I kept thinking of more negative aspects than positive, but my mind would stop on those positive aspects and brought me to a state of fantasy. I caught this twice as Dennis Rainey came on the radio and spoke about the damage of divorce. Another commentator also spoke on divorce. Both radio clips brought me to the realization that the thoughts going through my mind were nt something to be dwelling on.
It hit as I got closer to the office. The thoughts were not my own. It was Satan planting thoughts in my head and getting me to entertain thoughts of how my life could be so much better if I reject God and His word. Thankfully, God’s word has been implanted in me. Because of studying his word, I was able to see the bigger picture and that following the easy road to this conflict would lead to the destruction of my children, my wife, and myself. It would poison my relationship with God and give Satan an even stronger hold for future attacks on me.
I know that I could move on and that I would say I want to be an active participant in the lives of my kids. But, I know I would choose the same path my father took and would move away and make myself available to the kids when they want to come visit. I would marry my job as I would spend countless hours working. I would go about meeting new women and would find myself violating boundaries Christ has constructed in me over a lengthy period of time. As I thought about all of these things, I realized that the adversary would attack me and tell me that I am not good enough for God because I would be engaging in all these things I promised God I would never do.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:29:45 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: online
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Friday, January 07, 2005
I received a call from a woman on my caseload yesterday. When I answered the phone she was crying and said she wanted to make an appointment. She lives two blocks from the office and I asked if she wanted me to come over to her house. I t sounded as if she needed to talk right away. I told my secretary where I was going and asked her to call me in 15 minutes to check on me.
This woman came out of jail nearly three months ago and has been telling me that she has turned her life over to God. She knows I am a Christian. While she has been speaking of her desire to pursue God, I have quietly encouraged her while remaining cautious as I feel her new found faith may be more of a manipulation technique.
This woman’s whole life has been a scam. She is a black woman living in a predominately white community. She seemed to have every kind of illness imaginable both physically and mentally. During her first few visits to my office she was barely able to make it in with the assistance of her cane. Her back hurt, her legs barely worked, she had memory problems that made it difficult for her to remember appointments, and her medications interfered with her thinking. I had heard from other members of the community that she was selling prescription narcotics and cocaine and that she was drinking and using cocaine all the time. During several home visits, I noticed that her prescriptions were all over the house. Bottles were everywhere. As I began examining the bottles, I noticed that many of them had been filled within a few days of each other and that some that had been filled recently were already empty.
It became apparent during some of these home visits that I was not wanted. The race card was invoked several times. Along with her friends and relatives, I was told more than once that if it were not for her race, I would not be hassling her so much. Nothing I could say would convince them that race was not an issue.
One Sunday as I was leaving church and headed into town to get lunch, I saw this woman in a car parked on the road. I did a U-turn and drove past her again to see if it was her. I knew she did not have a valid drivers license. It was her. I did another U-turn to resume the direction I had been going. She pulled into the left hand turn lane and did a U-turn in front of me. I followed her into town and called dispatch to notify them that she was driving and did not have a valid license. She was stopped as she entered the next town. The officer who stopped her asked her for her drivers license and other official documentation. She said she did not have it. She gave the officer a false name. The name turned out to be that of one of her adult daughters. The officer told her that he knew her name as her probation officer had called and reported that she was driving. The officer asked her to come back to his car. She brought a water bottle with her that had some liquid in it. The officer decided to check the contents of the bottle and found it to be an alcoholic beverage.
She was cited and released for driving on a suspended license, drinking while driving, and several other charges. She was not arrested. When her court date came, I happened to be in court. She pled guilty to the driving violations and was ordered to pay a fine. I asked her to come to my office. When she arrived at my office, I had her submit a urine sample which tested positive for cocaine. I arrested her then for probation violations and requested that she sit 60 days in the local jail.
Upon her release from jail, she told me that she had found God and that she was going to live life differently from here on out. I was happy for her, but remained cautiously optimistic. I know many of the offenders I work with are aware of my faith. We have had more than ample opportunities to discuss the matter. I feared that someone in the jail had told her that if she wanted to get on my good side, talk about God. This was a woman who had become accustomed to scamming everyone in her path to get what she wanted when she wanted it. She made up medical conditions in order to receive disability compensation and get prescriptions to sell on the street. Her somatic medical complaints also got doctors to order her to abstain from employment which added to her benefits. If anyone dared call her on her phony illnesses, she banked on two factors. First, that none of the agencies she was working with could or would talk to one another. And second, that anyone who dared question her illnesses she could call a racist. People in mostly white towns don’t like to be called a bigot, so they drop the issue and run.
When she was placed on probation, she called me every name in the book and expressed her utmost dissatisfaction at the service I was providing. But yesterday she called me when she was crying. When I went to her house, she was drunk. She pointed out the bottle on the floor and said she called me because she trusts me. She told me about how her adult children are causing trouble and that she does not know how to handle them anymore. She told me how she has been trying do hard to be like Jesus, but that there are so many things from her past that won’t let her know Jesus as He wants to be known. Her past is being used by Satan to not let her experience Jesus.
She told me that she hated me until I locked her up. She said that she knows that I am a man of God and that I will be truthful with her, even if it hurts. Again, because I still find myself cautious of her, I let her do most of the talking. Even though her speech rambled from one topic to the next, she seemed to be aware that Satan did not want her going where she has been telling me that she is going.
God never ceases to amaze me at how He works. He continues to take those who I see as the most hopeless, the most unlovable, and transform them. Sometimes the process is fraught with pain, both for that person and for others. But the fruit that blossoms from the branch grafted firmly in the vine becomes fruit that is unbelievably sweet. Only God can turn what looks like a raisin into a grape.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:30:29 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: online
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I keep a Top Ten list in my PDA of excuses that I hear from probationers. On a couple of occasions now I have had opportunity to stop and enter the statement into the PDA as I sat speaking with the person. It usually evokes good laughter from both of us.
Top 10 excuses given to this probation officer:
1. I haven't been drinking, I ate a Jack Daniels Steak. (Statement made less than 8 hours after being released from jail)
2. I haven't been drinking, it's mouthwash.
3. They offered me the job if I can pass the physical they told me to take after I told them I hurt my back.
4. I wasn't smoking dope, I was in the same room with people who were.
5. It must be because of one of my prescription meds.
6. I don't hear voices, the neighbors TV's talk to me.
7. I pled guilty because I didn't want her to have to go through the pain of a trial.
8. I want the help, but I don't have the time.
9. Can you test positive for meth if you have sex with known user?
10. On calling to inform that her daughter could not make her appointment, “Jane can't make her appointment, she has a doctor's appointment to have her left *** cut off today.”
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:30:58 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: online
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I haven’t posted for a while and figured I better get in and write something. Last night my 12 years old son got a call from a girl asking him to go to her birthday party. The party is supposed to be at an indoor waterpark. We told him no. Of course, now, we are the meanest parents in the world and all of his friends hate us.
I told him that to me his complaining is no different than when I walk into the jail and I hear all the inmates cussing at me. He said, “That’s because you put them there.” I told him that they put themselves there through their actions. I further told him that when I walk in the jail and here all the cussing directed at me, I consider it to be a chorus of praise. It means I have done my job well and the public is protected from these folks who have demonstrated they can’t see beyond themselves. My wife said that God is also cheering us on for sticking to the boundaries we have set for our kids.
My son then wants to get into a discussion about why we won’t let him. We both try to relate to him that we were once 12 years old and in the seventh grade and we know how hormones are beginning to influence the thoughts and behaviors at boy/girl parties. And, with a party where everyone is in a swimsuit, the hormones are accelerated at warp speed.
My wife was raised in a Christian home where boundaries were made clear. I was raised in a more permissive environment where I could do as I please, so long as I was honest with my mom. I asked my son how many times he has heard me speak to the fact that I wished I had been raised with stronger boundaries. Ughhh! This seemed to be his only response to the answers to his questions. In essence, ughhh, can be translated, “I hate it when they’re right.”
Without getting into too much detail, there is no way that I will allow him to go to a co-ed party where everyone is in swimsuits. I remember all too well what junior high was like. The raging hormones caused me and every guy on campus to be focused on girls. While sports was still a huge part of each of our lives, three was a new dimension to the competition. That was to impress and attract the girls we dreamed about.
Tonight, the girl who is having the party called for him. He was not home. I spoke to the girl on the phone. It sounded as though there were 20 girls in the background. She said she was having a slumber party.
I’m amazed at how things have changed over the years. When I was kid not that many years ago, girls waited for guys to call. Now days, the girls call all the time. It concerns me that the girls call so frequently. It seems that girls have become more aggressive over the years. What really concerns me is that girls will, or have become, more sexually aggressive.
When I was 12, I had a girlfriend. Both of my parents were working so I used to get off the bus with her and stay at her house until I knew I had to be home. We spent hours making out. If I had known more about what to do, the results could have been devastating. I hope this is something I can convey to my son so that he comes to truly understand before it’s too late.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:31:29 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: online
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Monday, January 17, 2005
Today is a holiday and the office is closed. My plan was to go into the office and get caught up on the things that have piled up with phone calls and interruptions. Perhaps also finish a report or two while the phones are not ringing. But, it’s -35 here this morning and the car won’t start. Makes me wish that I would have brought work home with me.
The horses need to be fed and watered and the two older kids have each gone to spend the night at the homes of friends. Watering the horses at temperatures this cold is something else. If the horses don’t come drink right away, the water in the bucket turns to solid ice quickly. I don’t know how the horses can stand to be out in the cold like they do.
As I got up this morning to let the dogs out, the two big dogs just sat on the front porch. I placed the puppy on the floor and tried to scoot her out the door, but she turned and ran into the kitchen where she promptly pooped under the kitchen table. She let me know in no uncertain terms that she was not going to go out in that kind of cold to do her business.
I don’t mind the cold. After nearly 20 winters in Fairbanks, Alaska it seems like I should be able to handle anything. But, -10 here is worse than -30 in Fairbanks. In Fairbanks the air was dry and still. The wind rarely blew. Here, the air still has some moisture in it and the wind blows in from North Dakota. It seems that no matter how much snivel gear I put on, the wind cuts through it and it’s cold.
My family in California are all convinced that I have frost bit my brain. When I left the perfect climate of southern California as a young adult for the wilds of Alaska, I think they all figured that I would come to my senses after one winter and return home. When I announced that we were leaving Alaska after 18 years of living there and beginning my own family, they cheered thinking that I was finally returning. When I announced that we were moving to Minnesota, they all called to tell me that they had written me off as certifiably nuts. Now that some of them have been here, they see why I like it here. Of course, getting them to come this time of year is another matter. I really do wish that some of my California relatives would come out and get to experience some of this fine weather. It would be rather entertaining to see how they respond.
I remember visiting California in the summer of 1983. I was telling a story to some aunts and cousins about how I walked to and from work in Fairbanks. I worked in the Polaris Hotel and lived in Hamilton Acres. To get from home to work or work to home, I had to get across the river. In the summer this meant staying on the road and using the bridge. In the winter, I could walk across the river. As I was telling them about walking across the river they all looked at me like I was insane. I saw the look and had to reiterate to them that the river was frozen and I could walk across.
In the winter of 1989 Fairbanks was struck with temperatures that hovered between -40 and -70 for six straight weeks. I was living with three other guys several miles from the college. We had no running water in the house. The house was built on permafrost and had to be built on stilts. There was an outhouse in the back. The house also had a back door, but there were no steps to get out. So, in order to get to the outhouse, you had to go out the front door and go around. When the temps were as cold as they were, none of us wanted to go out to the outhouse when we could just as easily stand at the back door and go. The outhouse was only used for emergencies. By the time that cold snap ended, there was a yellow glacier standing nearly five feet tall working its way up to the door of the house. Eventually Dan, the guy who owns the house, got married and put running water in the house for his wife. I used to tease her about how good the ground must be for a garden out in back of the house.
Well, off to feed and water the horses.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:31:46 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: online
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Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Relationships. They are the core of our being. We cannot live without them no matter how hard we might try. Relationships are the essence of what God is all about. His word speaks to relationship with him and relationships with others.
I am thinking about this today after listening to Prime Time America on the radio. They had a guest on, Glenn McDonald who wrote a book called The Disciple Making Church. McDonald spoke about how the church has focused on programs over the years when perhaps we should have been focusing on relationships. He discussed how we need to focus on building reproducible relationships. I have not yet read the book and I fully intend to buy a copy and read it..
This struck me as it is something that has been on my heart since a sermon series done by my pastor in Alaska in 1997 or 1998. Our pastor went through the Bible beginning in Genesis and working through the New Testament on relationships and how we were created for relationship with God and each other. As someone working in the field of corrections this message really pierced me as I have viewed the corrections field as being in the relationship business. It helped me to understand that my profession is also my ministry, that God called me into this business. Because, as I have told many, I would never have chosen this business on my own.
If we as ambassadors of Christ want to have an impact on changing our world, relationships with others are key to bringing about that change. Relationships are difficult, they take effort. To be successful, they take the effort of each person in the relationship. This has been driven home to me even more recently as there have been some difficulties at home and with some others who have been an important part of our circle of influence. We received a call last night from someone who has been in that circle for a long time, but the relationship was strained. The strain was due to pride on both our part and the part of the other person. I was in the middle of this realizing that something was not right and that Christ needed to be the center of the relationship and that, because of the pride, Christ was not in the relationship. The other person called and broke the ice and healing can now occur.
Christ calls us into relationship with himself. He seeks restoration. To be restored with Him, we must be restored with each other. As I said previously, relationships take a lot of work. Even our relationship with Christ takes work. It takes a continual examination of our own motives for the things we think and do as well as measuring ourselves to the barometer of Christ. Additionally, giving control of our lives to Christ can be just as difficult. We are creatures who like to have control. Handing control of our destiny over to someone we cannot see is something most of us would consider to be an act of insanity. But, faith would not work without surrendering control to Christ.
In the relationships I have with the many people I come into contact with, God has allowed me to see how He is working in the lives of others as well as my own life. All too often, he does not work on the time table we want him to work in. He has His own timeline for achieving His purposes. Sometimes, this can be quite painful. Not just for one person, but for many.
I guess as I think about this, I see how if we were more willing to surrender to Him and seek His will, the world would be such a better place. We would be in better relationship with Him and with each other. The crime rate would drop dramatically and social services would be a rarely used government entity. But, Satan seems to control this world. The more we can focus on our relationship with Christ, the more we will treat each other with the love he commands and the less influence Satan will have on the world around us.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:32:21 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: online
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I attended a training on professionalism today. It was very good. The speaker had many good things to say. In my profession, I have the opportunity to attend many trainings like this. In essence, trainings geared toward this topic boil down to treating each other with respect.
I have been an instructor as well. I have taught new corrections officers classes in interpersonal communication with inmates. This is not a difficult class to teach and the students in the class seem to grasp the material easily. I wish, when I was working inside the prison, that we would have had a class on interpersonal communication with co-workers.
What strikes me about these classes each time I go is how we reinvent scripture. We take Biblical principles and reword them to make it look as if some scholar or expert in a field has come up with some hot new concept.
What really struck me in my class today was the influence culture has on human behavior. The speaker referenced a study in which a college class was going to do an experiment in which some of the class were going to be prison inmates and the rest were to be guards. The experiment was to last two weeks. It lasted only six days because the inmates rebelled and the guards resorted to inflicting cruelty to gain compliance. It brought about the question as to whether the culture was influenced by a few bad apples or if the whole crate was bad. The speaker asked each of us to imagine ourselves in this environment, would we have joined in or would we have stood for our values?
In my time on CW, I have come across some topics where the current culture tends to push many toward softening their stance on values. For instance, in the morals thread, there have been many discussions on homosexuality. Some have commented that the current culture seems to require that we examine the issue of homosexuality through a different set of lenses. It seems to me that the crate is bad and will only rot away if we don’t have absolutes in our values system. I believe this is why cultures who have embraced such anything goes worldviews have come to exist only in the pages of history books.
We had a very good discussion about conflict in this class. How do we go about conflict within our own subcultures. Our overall culture seems to have developed an attitude of minding ones own business. What someone else does makes no difference as long as it has no direct bearing on me. So, when a problem arises, instead of going to the source, we complain to others and allow the problem to fester while creating additional problems which all destroy relationships. Thus, I have been direclty affected as have those around me.
Mt. 18:15-17 15"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that `every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
Christ teaches that we are supposed to take it to the person. This is not an easy thing to do. If there is an issue between me and another in my circle of influence, I have to muster the courage to come to them directly. This also requires that I be in a constant examination of self. When working with a probationer, this is not terribly difficult as the rules have all been spelled out on a piece of paper. But with friends, loved ones, and co-workers, we have such a tendency to complicate matters. We read in things that may or may not be there. We operate under assumptions about the other person’s thought, feelings or motives. Christ wants us to be reconciled to Him and with each other. The only way to reconcile is to go to the source.
“Whenever there is a discrepancy between the existing culture and a proposed change, the culture always wins.” This is a quote that was used from Darryl O’Conner in Managing the Speed of Change. As Christians, we cannot let the culture win, it’s not built on a solid foundation. The crate is rotten. It changes al the time. The cultural buzzword is to strive for excellence. God wants obedience. He does not change. Excellence is a standard that changes with the culture. All of us interact with rotten apples on a daily basis. But, Christ has given us His word and the Holy Spirit so that we can influence those rotten apples and make them ripe again.
When I look at scripture and some of the characters in the Bible, I see where God has used some of the most rotten apples and turned them into apple trees where they have influenced others to lead them to God who produces more fruit through them. It seems that in order to produce fruit, we have to die to sin to be reborn. And, being reborn also means being willing to be pruned when the gardener wants us to grow in other areas.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:32:54 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: online
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January 21, 2005
So what! That was the theme of the day. I got a call from Jim the other day telling me that he wanted to schedule an appointment. He said he had just gotten done speaking to an investigator about something. I asked what the conversation was about. He said he received an overpayment on something. I said, “Jim, what are you being investigated for?” He said he did not want to talk about and scheduled an appointment for today.
I spoke to the investigator and found out that Jim is being investigated for welfare fraud. He forgot to claim some assets when he applied for benefits. When Jim came in today, I expected that he was going to come in and blame his live in girlfriend Suzy. He blames Suzy for everything. Jim has been encouraged for quite some time now to get out of this relationship with Suzy. Welfare fraud seems to actually fit Suzy’s MO more than Jim’s. Suzy has worked hard her entire adult life at getting paid to not work. Until he moved in with Suzy, Jim had always held a job. Even though he loved to complain about how poorly he was being paid and his unfair treatment, he maintained employment and spoke about how he did not want to be on the government payroll.
In the several years I have been working with Jim, he has always presented himself as the victim. He committed a sex offense against the daughter of his former live in girlfriend because she was not treating him respectfully. He has never acknowledged personal responsibility for any of the bad things that have happened in his life. He did not blame Suzy today. He said he was wrong for making a mistake on his application. He said that he did not understand one part of the application and, therefore, did not disclose some pertinent information that would have disqualified him from welfare. He wanted to speak to me today so that I could tell him what to do. I told him that he needed to speak to an attorney. I can not give legal advice, an attorney can do that for him.
He began telling me how unfair this whole thing was, that he only got caught because he was randomly selected in an audit. “So what! Jim, you have identified the problem, so now what are you going to do to remedy the problem?” I said to him. He looked at me like a lost puppy. I thought about the look I was seeing. He wants me to solve his problem for him. He is nearly 45 years old. He should be able to solve his own problems by now. Perhaps that’s why he turned to social services, he refuses to deal with his issues. Playing the role of victim brings sympathy and he finds rescuers who will do his dirty work for him.
So what Jim! What are you going to do? You got yourself into the mess, you have to take action on your part to deal with it. Now, unfortunately, he will find an attorney who will play his victim status as an ace in the hole and Jim will not get any closer to taking responsibility for his own mess.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:33:09 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: online
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January 23, 2005
In the Daily Devotional, How Now Shall We Live by Charles Colson with Anne Morse, the January 19, entry is entitled, Is Life “All About Me”? The reading goes on to describe an article in Psychology as Religion: The Cult of Self Worship by Dr. Paul Vitz. Vitz describes modern psychology’s deep commitment to self worship and how all the theories of motivation and personality assume that reward for the self is the only ethical, functional principle.
Colson discusses this further and speaks about how these values are hostile to our ability to form permanent relationships or to commit to such values as duty and sacrifice. Colson goes on to say that the therapeutic process is a part of the problem as the psychotherapist is typically preoccupied with an individual patient and seldom challenges his version of the facts. The therapist does not listen to the children, parents or the spouse who might be involved. Colson further comments on how some therapists encourage divorce on theoretical grounds and how some selfist ideas give some counselors a strong bias against parents. Even more, in some therapy groups, patients are under pressure to describe how badly their families treated them causing many patients to become self pitying victims – with a strong sense of moral superiority.
According to Colson, Vitz invites readers to imagine therapy based on love, gratitude, respect, and forgiveness. A form of therapy that strengthens family instead of destroying it. He then points to 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Colson ends the reading by speaking about how the rise of selfism means that Christians need to be careful about those from whom they seek counsel. Colson further warns if you find yourself asking, “What’s in it for me,” stop and remember the rest of Paul’s message from the love chapter.
In my duties as a probation officer, I get to sit in on sex offender treatment. I have opportunity to see the therapeutic process at work. Added to this opportunity is the ability to hold the individuals in the group accountable. To be certain they are living their treatment as opposed to filling the therapists ear with what they think the therapist wants to hear. The goal of the therapy is to bring about change of the individual so that old patterns of behavior are recognized more readily and are not repeated. My goal is public safety. However, the other part of my goal is to get the individual to foster the changes they are learning in the therapeutic setting to prevent them from engaging in many further acts that compromise their own safety, their families safety and thus, public safety.
As I read through the devotional, many scenarios came to mind, but none more clearly that a female sex offender I was working with. I will call her Jane. Jane had sex with a 12 year old boy. The boy told someone else and Jane was brought in by law enforcement. In court she pled guilty and was ordered to undergo sex offender treatment. Jane’s family history was awful. Her mother had abandoned her when she was a pre-teen. Her father was so permissive that he allowed her to do whatever she wanted and then got upset with her for not making the right decisions. She had been in the system since she was 13 years old. She had a therapist she had been working with from the time she was 13 all the way into adulthood. Jane had just turned 21 and the many players placed in her life by the courts all converged to meet and get her on board with the many plans designed to help her improve her own life. This meeting was called as it seemed that all the professionals in her life were working harder than her to fix her problems. She had an attitude that screamed, “I don’t care,” and was giving everyone fits.
During this meeting I expressed a concern about Jane’s promiscuity. Jane had two small children and her promiscuity placed those children at grave risk. Jane was not picky about sexual partners, male, female, two legged, four legged, it did not seem to matter to her. When Jane is bringing strangers into her home solely for her own sexual gratification, her children are not only exposed to her deviance, they become easy prey for other sexual predators. Another concern I shared was that when Jane’s son got to the age where he wanted to know where baby’s come from Jane would show him as opposed to giving him the birds and the bees talk.
The therapist that Jane had been working with for the past eight years spoke up and said, “You know, Jane just does not share the same values system as you and that’s okay.” For a brief moment I sat in stunned silence. I told the therapist that I was aware that Jane did not share my values system. I was not asking Jane to grab onto my particular values system. I was asking that Jane develop a values system. I was asking that Jane begin to develop some boundaries so that she would no longer place her children in jeopardy.
It also became clear to me that the therapist had a financial interest in promoting Jane’s lack of a morals system. It seemed that therapist had a greater interest in keeping Jane coming to therapy than to try and get Jane to see her own problems and how she could come up with solutions to her own problems.
After several years of sex offender treatment, I have come to see Jane begin to construct a values system. It does not reflect mine, but that’s okay, she has begun developing one. She has had to get very honest about the things in her life. This has been painful for her. She has made many complaints about the pain this self examination has caused her. Yet, she is also now able to see how this pain has caused growth. She has also now begun to utilize some of the tools she has learned through this growing process to prevent situations that would have caused her more long term pain. Although Jane does not know Christ, it’s apparent to me that He is working in her life. Satan has had hold of this woman for a long time and does not want to relinquish his hold. So much of the battle she faces is a spiritual battle and she has stated that she recognizes this. All I can do is continue discipleship with her. I will be in her life as her PO for another 20 years. After expressing hatred for me initially, she has expressed respect for me because I have hung in there with her and made her face some things she did not want to see. In turn, she has taught me even more about discipleship as a disciple is someone who leads, guides and instructs.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:33:49 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: online
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1-24-05
I heard a quote Steve Brown used in the Key Life broadcast tonight. “You have to con yourself before you can cone someone else.” Unfortunately, I was unable to hear the whole broadcast to finish the lesson he was teaching this afternoon. But, I like the quote and I had my son write it as I drove home.
In my business, I get lied to daily. With the sex offenders I work with, I have the advantage of the polygraph as each of them are court ordered to submit to polygraph testing whenever deemed necessary. It’s a great tool for getting a person to become completely honest with me. As I tell them, I am in the relationship business and they are in control of the relationship. If they are doing what they are supposed to be doing, I can be like their best friend. I can be an asset to them and I will give them whatever encouragement and support they need to reach their productive and pro-social goals. However, if they are trying to con me, they become a pain in my rear end. In turn, I become a pain in theirs. During my initial conversation with probationers I tell them that if I am becoming a pain in the rear to them, they need to take a look in the mirror to see why their hind end is uncomfortable.
Steve Brown’s quote was perfect. In the nearly 15 years I have worked in the field, I have seen it time and time again. It’s not only human nature, its Satan dominating our thoughts. We rationalize and justify our behaviors which means nothing more than we lie to ourselves so that we can lie to others. I had a conversation with a young man today who violated his probation by getting cited for minor consuming on New Years Eve and failing to tell me until I happened to see his name on the court docket today. He has an opportunity to have his sex offense be as if it never happened if he can successfully complete probation. But, like so many others, what the culture describes as fun is nipping at his heels and he thinks he has to do what everyone else is doing in order to have fun. As I tried to explain to him what he could be throwing away in regard to his future, he went into the excuse making mode as if I were one of his parents. I began to feel more like Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura as I stopped him from what he was saying and asked him to examine his remarks. Only time will tell if he gets it.
It seems that we get into this practice of trying to con others early in life. I observed my six year old daughter try to tell a fib this evening. I could tell by the way she was shifting her eyes that she was not being truthful. She saw me catch it. Her response was to look at me and scream, “What!?” I did not have to say a word. She then confessed to what she was trying to hide and the matter was settled. Next came the matter of deception. Fortunately, most parents are pre-equipped with internal polygraph machines. Unfortunately, too many choose not to use them. I have to remember day in and day out that I have a choice in whether or not to pursue when I know one of my kids is telling me a lie.
In the professional realm, there are choices in how to respond to the lies. One of the duties of my occupation is documentation. Every time I have a conversation with an offender or about an offender, I document the conversation. Sometimes, I know I am getting lied to and I let it go as I know that I will be able to corner the person with documentation and make them have to back track to remember which lie they told at what time. Some are very good at this. But, with enough documentation, even the best paint themselves into a corner that is eventually inescapable. With others, all it takes is a look or a comment. I have found, however, that it takes building a relationship where respect has been earned before getting confessions without painting them into the proverbial corner.
God paints us into a corner too. Actually, we apint ourselves into God's corner. We can rationalize and justify, but we can’t fool Him. He knows our every action, every motive, and every thought. This is what the quote was getting to. If we are conning ourselves in order to con others, we are robbing God of the relationship He wants with us. If we surrender our whole being to Him, we have no reason to fool ourselves into thinking we are better than we are. Thus, we restore broken relationships or fail to damage them to begin with. We have a choice, we can do things God's way or the hard way. What's your choiice?
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:34:17 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: online
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January 27, 2005
Christians are not perfect. I know that one of the reasons I rejected Christ years ago was because of the hypocrisy I saw among those who called themselves Christian. As a Christian, each day that passes I gain understanding that we are not perfect. We are to strive to be Christ like.
Matthew 5:43-48 seems to put the matter in perspective for me: 43"You have heard that it was said, `Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
In recent months I met a man I will call Fred who claims to be in Christ. Fred is in his late 80’s and devotes his entire being to serving Jesus. Yet, the more I speak with Fred, I am less convinced that he actually knows Jesus. I know this is not my judgment to make, but Fred is the picture of religiosity. He is the type of person that drove me away from Christ.
Fred reported to me that he did not meet Jesus until he was in his 50’s. He claims that since meeting Jesus, he has not sinned. Yet, it was his illegal behavior that brought him to my office. He insists that he was only helping an eight year old girl learn about her body. He also divulged that he had “helped” a granddaughter and some other young children. He began helping them when he saw them exposing themselves and playing with their privates.
Fred repeatedly tells me that he never has a sexual thought enter his head. Not now, not then. He says that he has never been a very sexual person. Yet, he describes that he has had more than 20 sexual partners in his lifetime aside from his several wives. When asked about these other partners, Fred claims that he was an innocent victim. That he had no idea what was going on at the time, he just wound up becoming sexual with these women. Mind you, some of these partners were in the 1920’s and 1930’s. And, as he says, "Women weren't like that then."
I guess the trouble that I have with Fred’s claim of innocence is that he sees himself as a Christian and that he has to be perfect. It seems that in his quest to appear perfect, he may not be forgiven. He claims that he has to answer to no one but Christ. That the authorities on earth have no dominion over him. Yet, he has hurt a number of people here on earth and has done nothing to reconcile relationships or make amends. He refuses to acknowledge that he has done anything wrong. Additionally, he feels persecuted by the system. While he prays for those of us in the system, it seems as though his prayers are like those of the Pharisees, done in public for others to see. to attract attention to self taking the focus away from God.
He refuses to associate with the other offenders in the group because they have all molested someone. Yet, he is unable to see through the mask when he looks in the mirror.
Being perfect is not possible. If my reading of this passage is correct, we are to emulate the love Christ showed for us and not be so consumed with self; what we want and how we appear to others. We are to be others focused. We are to build relationships and seek restoration where sin has wounded. We are to seek to have perfect love which means showing love even when others are trying to nail us to our own cross.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:34:52 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: online
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February 1, 2005
What a day. I as in court this morning for a sentencing hearing. I wrote a pre-sentence investigation on a woman who used the credit card numbers of her clients to purchase thousands of dollars in merchandise to sell at other events. The woman lied to me when I interviewed her. I spoke to some of her relatives and was lied to some more. I wrote what I was told in the report and showed up expecting to have her leave in handcuffs to spend a few days in jail.
Instead, the woman and her mother show up to court and get to read the report that I wrote. Both become enraged that I would write such lies about this poor woman. The mother said that I had twisted some of the things I heard. Both of them were just incensed that I could be so cold hearted.
Well, she was not led out of the courtroom in handcuffs. Instead, her attorney got her another month to address her concerns before returning for sentencing. I sat in amazement as the dialogue took place. I wrote the report the court asked for and found the woman lying to me. I asked her questions about some of the things she told me, but she stuck to her story despite that fact that it was obviously not credible.
I normally don’t take things personally in court. I tend to think of court as a game like ice hockey. In hockey, I get on the ice with friends and skate hard, take a few lumps and dish out some lumps as well. After the game, we all line up and shake hands. Then, we all get together and have a few laughs about who got who the worst. The courtroom can be the same way. Some things get said, lumps are given and received, and then we walk out of the courtroom and share some laughs about who got in the best shot.
But today, I felt like my credibility was being questioned. It was not, of course, but it sure felt that way. It’s amazing how someone can come in and lie to the court, lie to the probation officer, and then turn around and make the whole process look as if it’s filled with liars that are spreading lies about them. I sat in court thinking about how it’s almost not worth putting the effort into a report to be as thorough as it should be because my character then gets challenged. I am not the defendant, she is. She is the one who stole from her customers. She is the one who pled guilty in court. My job was to prepare a report for the court telling who this woman is, what she has done in her life, and where she is going in life. And, to make a recommendation that will, hopefully, deter her from further criminal activity.
If I were to take the shortcut and be less thorough in my report writing, no change would take place in probationers. No issues would get addressed that need to be examined. People would continue to harm others banking on the fact that no one is going to do their job. In essence, it would make me no better than the probationer. For me, I cannot enforce something that I am not willing to live up to myself.
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RE: ZamDad's World - 4/23/2005 2:35:15 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: online
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February 4, 2005
There is a thread in the men’s folder asking the question, has anyone ever thought you were gay? I posted a couple of things that have happened, but one story came to mind.
It was New Years Eve 1987 and I was house sitting for my girlfriend’s (now my wife) sister. She and her sister had gone to visit their parents and I was to watch over the house while they were gone. I was a baby Christian and had recently made a decision to quit drinking. Because it was New Years and I had no place to go and no one to hang with, I called an old friend to see what he was doing.
Beau and Mary had been married for over a year. I figured that if I was going to go anywhere to ring in the New Year, I would be safest going to the home of a married couple. Beau told me that he and Mary were planning to go to the Palace Saloon at Alaskaland and spend some time with his brother. They asked me if I wanted to come along.
They came by and picked me up and we drove over to Alaskaland to go to the Palace Saloon. I was familiar with the Palace as being a tourist attraction that was usually only open in the summer. I sort of figured that it must have been a private party and had been rented since we were in the heart of an Alaska winter. We walked in the entrance of the bar and the place was packed. There was a pool table straight ahead to the back of the room from the front door. There were about a half dozen girls playing pool As I was walking in making my through the masses of people, all the girls began cheering as one of them must have sunk a shot. As they burst out in cheer, two of the girls embraced each other and began a very passionate kiss. I froze in my tracks as I could not believe the display of affection I was seeing. As I stood there stopped in time, I began to look around to see if anyone else was noticing these two women making such a show of themselves. I turned toward the dance floor and observed that all the couples dancing were men with men and women with women.
I had be | | |
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