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when your spouse lies to you - 5/9/2008 6:35:51 PM
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jerrysgirl
Posts: 1
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline
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 I am writing because I am simply outdone with my two boys and my husband. Apparently back in March 2008 my sons were stealing MP3 players out of a store. Why? I don't know since they both got one for a gift in December. Go fi gure. So I get a call while we are home today from a person working this case and diversion for the boys. I dealt with them and am still praying that God will lead me how do continue to deal with them. And pray for them. They have so much destiny and I want them to realize it. I was hurt nonetheless even more simply becuase my HUSBAND OF 12 YEARS kept this from me and I had to find out this way. I was so hurt and upset. I have not seen him today because we work differnt shifts today. I don't know what to say to him. Part of me wants to yell out at him how stupid he is and the other part wants to sit down and find out why he would lie to me, teach my boys to lie to their future spouses and mother.
In a fix!!!!!!!!!!!
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RE: when your spouse lies to you - 5/9/2008 7:45:57 PM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 129
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline
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I could certainly understand how it would be devastating to hear about this situation from a 3rd party rather than your husband or sons. Afterall, it is both of your responsibilities to raise them to be law-abiding citizens someday and for your husband to collude with them in keeping this away from you sets a very poor example and precedent for them in honesty.
However, may I make some observations from a man's perspective based on your post? I may or may not be off base here but here it goes. The two options you listed were to 1). Yell at him about how "stupid" he is or 2). sit down and find out why he would lie to you. To even consider calling your husband "stupid" shows a profound amount of disrespect towards him regardless of how wrong he is and it is certainly not a godly thing to do. I will most certainly guarantee if that word (or any other offensive name) is used, you will not get the response you hope for. Could it be that he kept this information from you out of fear that you would overreact? How would he say you've reacted in the past to problems? Some (not all) women don't do very well when it comes to keeping things in perspective and they can often act in ways that exacerbate the situation. If you're the type that tends to blow up and become disrespectful, then you must share some of the responsibility for him not approaching you because that would make you an unnapproachable person. On the other hand, the more diplomatically you approach the situation, the more likely you are to get an apology to open the lines of communication in the future.
My advice would be to talk to him calmly about the situation. You guys clearly have a communication problem and the goal should be to improve that.
_____________________________
Live each day as thought it were your last for one day you will be right.
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RE: when your spouse lies to you - 5/10/2008 12:01:38 PM
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DustyLady
Posts: 41
Joined: 5/3/2008
From: Ohio
Status: offline
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Could it be that your husband was trying to protect you, by dealing with the situation himself? Perhaps he had only your best interests at heart by keeping from you the upsetting news that your sons were involved in criminal activity. This whole thing could be seen as a very loving act on your husband's part, which some might be grateful for.
Of course, there are two sides to every story. I suggest you discuss it with him before you make any judgements.
Dusty
_____________________________
"The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion." -- G.K. Chesterton
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RE: when your spouse lies to you - 5/11/2008 11:34:21 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 730
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline
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Don't go yelling at your husband for making a decision not to tell you about what your sons done (stealing).
Sit down with him and talk this matter out - learn to problem solve as a couple.
Forgive him for not telling you about the children stealing from the store... there are probably some other issues involved - so take a deep breath and gather your thoughts so you can ask the right questions.
Resist the urge to point out how wrong or stupid he is... the real issue is finding out what going on in the lives of your children - keep your focus! Your sons are in trouble - mom and dad need to get on the same page and talk with each other - yelling will not make things better.
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